The quote at the tom is from Portal, which is a very old joke. It's been a while since I posted here.  Is anyone reading?

I keep having dreams about Emma. I guess I miss her.

So, its crunch time, and things are looking a lot shaky. i continue to be dumb about things, leaing them to the last minute, not doing them at all, so I am postuating things to do if i get kicked out of college.

go cross country--on foot or on a motorcycle. not in a car or van.
work on an oil rig
work on a tanker ship
join the army
go to a vocational school and learn how to be a mechanic
just dissapear
its unlikely that my parents would let me live in the vermont house...i wouldnt feel right doing it, anyway. id leave it to them if i couldnt find a local job to pay rent.
becme a hobo.
try to get as many wierd jobs as i could.

Dreampt about V. today. In that house that keeps recurring. It's a huge house, late eighteenth or so, with a big beautiful barn and a lake. the barn is solid, but the house is dangerously falling apart, even though i can still see white curtains in all the windows. We went there on a break between classes, because all of my things were there. there were no locks, so i was worried about people breaking in and steaing all my stuff. plus, i wanted to play with all my action figures. the drill press was running in the workshop, so i unplugged it. we had to climb up a latticed door to get to the second level. I went first and helped you up. on the second level, my friend Sam was there. he appretiated action figures with me. you found the remote control for the house, and played with the dimmer. eventually, i wanted to cross to the other side of the barn loft, but before i could get onto the rickety plank ridge that spanned the thirty foot or so gap, you told me that it was almost time for your advisor meeting and that you wanted to head back. I jumped down first, and helped you descend with a bear-hug. then wen went out, past the lake. in the lake was a smallish two masted cutter, with masses and masses of baroque decorations and sa we passed it it sank from sight into the lake. I run for it, but you are just determined to get back to class. so I let you leave and I start swimming down to the wreck and bringing up whatever I can.

Well, today was strange. I woke up, had class, and then for some reason couldn't control my temper if it were locked up in a big metal box and was shocked horribly every ten seconds every time it did something I didn't like. I hate snappy days, I really feel like they compromise what wit I have gathered to myself over the years. I do my best to stay silent with a smile on my face, and be engaged. Hopefully no one talks to me.

    Sometimes, though, avoiding people does good things. Lydia and people were watching a very cool show in my room, but I was like 'time for me to go the the gym!' and i totally hit the athletics barn for like an hour and a half. it was excellent. At this point, I feel like I have defeated my snappy day...working out makes me want to get all snuggly with people, though. I feel sexy after I've spent a long time exercising.

    I'm getting tired of tight pants. Shiny pants I love, but shiny pants are starting to irk me. I'm getting sick of doing that hopping dance every morning. In addition, my oh-so-excellent pinstripe trousers have developed a rip in the crotch, so im down to shiny pants or tight pants. its been shiny pants all this week, and I am starting to find them passe.

    Life here has become ordinary enough that I'm reduced to talking about my pants. Perhaps I shall go up to the house this weekend and start tearing up the carpet, that might be enjoyable.

It's four in the AM down here, and I'm feeling fine. I spent all day today and yesterday working on a project that seemed impossibly difficult but has proven to be excellent. Mayhaps I shall post photographs, once stages two and three are complete.

The house is wonderful. The room that I got dibs on when my mother asked me what room i wanted turned out to be the biggest room in the house. its in a lovely cool basement and it HAS ITS OWN FIREPLACE. And bathroom. And the bathroom is pretty much on the other side of the fireplace. and the bathroom has a tiny little metal door where you can put things to burn if you want to have a fire while you pee, or something. I have amazing plans for it. During the move, I managed to snag a good deal of interesting furniture from the feeding frenzy, and I am going to look for an antique loveseat/chaise longue/comfy couch to complete the decor. Of course, with time It will become the ultimate room. I'm going to rip up the wall to wall carpets, lay some heating wires, and slap slate down on top. I will have a fireplace, a comfy couch thing, my bed, and HEATED STONE FLOORS. Of course, that all depends on me finding a good job in Vermont over the summer, so's I can pay for it.

On a vermonty note, my car now has Vermont plates on it, since I am a legal resident. and I have a Vermont Drivers license! It;s nicely green. and has trees on it. I'm thinking that the weekend after easteer maybe I will come down to bostontown and camp around, but I need to find places to stay (as usual). And soon, I want to have a party at the new house! though I hesitate to ask people to drive two hours to get there. but yaah!

Today was depressing. I have gotten in the habit of staying alone to the extent that I pre-prepare reasons as to why I should remain so. I've fallen into a rut, and I'm not sure how I can get out. The people that I were friendly with last term I wasnt friendly enough with that they would seek me out, and I'm trapped here. I keep making scavenging trips to this place or that, hoping that someone that I was friendly with will say hello and then the character of the night will change. Soon, I will have to meet someone that I really get aloong with here. someone of my own gender who I can treat like a brother. The closest thing I've got so far is a small blond girl who sueals and makes cutesy comments and watches cutesy anime movies and from whom i keep getting strange mixed signals, so im leery of being in her company too much. I have a hard time staying comfortable with people as a friendship progresses past anything more serious than close friendship. I tend to close down and get overprotective of the relaitonship, I stop talking as much because I want to be sure that I wont say anything to ruin things, even if they aren't that good.
Emotionally, I am very much alone. Don't get me wrong, that doesnt bother me so much--though it occasionally surfaces to the forefront.
 
I went back to Boston recently, and it amazes me how much happier I was at CSw than I am here. I know things will improve. its freshman year. but still, its an amazing difference. I was calm, confident, I felt sexy. Here I'm always looking out f the corners of my eyes at people to try and find out what they are thinking, hiding myself in my room during the day, immersing myself in projects with no real outcome. I never feel sexy here. I really hope it doesnt become a problem.

Well, the move is scheduled for the seventh. I'm nervous, because I have a hard time throwing things away. I kept too much crap from the last house, and I feel like all of those old things, love them though I do, will constrain me in how i put this new place together. I may have to do a lot of throwing-away when I get there. It will be good to have a proper workbench again, though. my desk at school just doesnt quite cut it.

I miss you.

David King is now officially tired of Steam-punk.

You know, Field Work Term is a very flexible ad excellent thing. I'm working extra hours so that when my boss goes on vacation on the 27th, I can too. I'm so looking forwards to helping mum start the move into the new house. and a whole week off! I've purchased a new power supply, and my hopes are high for resurrecting my computer.  And I've got big plans for this house. I can't wait!